Becoming the Light

DJ Anthony Gaffield, Beyond the System Writing Contest

From the earliest fragments of my memory, I recall drowning in self-doubt. The wound of belief is one that plagued every fiber of my being. The last picked for the kickball team, told by my foster parents that I was only “an investment to line their pockets”; These, among many pieces of my life crept their way into my conscious. By the time I reached my early adolescence, I was convinced I’d amount to nothing more than a decaying piece of plastic.

I grew up in systems that didn’t care if I ended up dead, missing, or in prison. I was a number, a statistic, a forgotten face in this cruel world.

So how did I manage to find hope?

It wasn’t easy.

It took me losing my will to live to finally realize what I was living for.

My story made me feel alone, lost, and trapped, but in the abyss of despondence, I realized that I refuse to let others live this same way. I refuse to let a system designed to perpetuate failure let us fail. We are more than numbers, we have names, and we have stories. I will turn this pen into a sword and this paper into a battlefield in this war against my pain.

Thus, a future was sparked, and hope was born.

One might ask, what does this translate to? What does the future hold?

And it’s not a simple answer, but to keep it short and impactful, I must uplift others to tell their stories, and I must help create space for others like me to be vulnerable. The anger we hold, is righteous; it is powerful, it is the dreams that we seek to fulfill BY ANY MEANS. Because, look, Dad! No Hands! I made it! For you! For Me...For...Me.

So what is the point? To answer your inquiry, the point is to become a light in others’ lives. And I will do this by working in the schools, guiding and mentoring the youth of the future, showing them it can be done and that there is a way out. They are not alone, because I too, had that wound of belief.

 

Read more stories from the Beyond the System Writing Contest here.